Childless people should not have power over children

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Yeah, I said it.

I wasn’t a young parent. I’m pretty certain that I lived life to the fullest before going on marriage lock-down and having kids. As someone who was single at 30 I used to save up my cash and fly around the world, experiencing cultures that were completely different from mine while actually being no different at all. I was falling in love left and right but mostly loved my big yellow dog who lived to be 12. Everything in my apartment was always just as I left it each time I returned home because why? Because I didn’t have kids. I didn’t know what prowess I had in the organization department until it was gone.

I didn’t need to have kids. I was to the point of take-it-or-leave-it by the time I got married. When I hear of people my age who intentionally opted not to have kids a little jolt of envy runs through me as I think of the exotic places they must visit and the leisurely reading they do. I haven’t read a book that wasn’t related to some kind of chronic epidemic in I don’t know how long. I’d build a night stand out of unread books next to my bed but my kids would knock it down.

I think about my childless friends’ to-do lists with fat check marks of smug satisfaction next to every task, all of that discretionary income piling up in their bank accounts, and Instagrams of artistic morning coffee. Craft cocktails in your own home, seven days at Burning Man, spur-of-the-moment trips to Vegas. And my gay friends with dual incomes and no kids? Forget it. I can’t even compute that anymore.

All of this is to say: I get it. Having kids isn’t the end-all-be-all in life.

Do I wish I could go back and not have kids? No way. No parent thinks that. It would be nice to make them invisible for a few hours but not even the most crumb-free car interior would make me wish we hadn’t created these little heathens.

Beyond the obvious reasons of experiencing unconditional love and contributing well-raised humans to society, I wouldn’t turn back the clock because I didn’t know who I was until I had them. I didn’t know the depths of my patience and humility. I didn’t know that a preschooler could bring me to my knees. I didn’t know the awesome sense of responsibility of being trusted to take care of a little person’s health, emotions, decision-making processes, and shaping them into caring miniature people who didn’t act like jerks to others every waking moment.

And until I had kids, I was just a conventional asshole like most everyone else.

If I wasn’t a parent I’d be arguing that GMOs are no different than hybrid seeds and claiming that the garbage soy that no one else on the planet wants to eat is saving the world. I’d be heavily suggesting that people drug their kids with Benadryl red dye #5 to get them to sleep on airplanes and that they should have them evaluated for ADHD while stuffing them full of Pop Rocks and Fruit Loops. I’d probably say that spanking was great, that there’s a certain “healthy fear” that’s good to instill in one’s offspring, and that mothers should put their babies in daycare and go get a real job.

And I guarantee you that I’d say that vaccines should be mandated across the board, no exceptions. It would have been impossible for me to see why California’s SB277 is a horrendous idea.

But you know what? Being a conventional asshole is a luxury I can’t afford anymore. It got cut from the budget when we had to buy cloth diapers, organic fruit pouches and a Naturpedic mattress. There wasn’t any room to laze around and tell other people what they should be doing with their kids when I was suddenly overwhelmed with my own.

Before you tell me that bringing our own precious snowflakes into the world isn’t any kind of accomplishment and that no one asked us to do it, stop and think for a second about this country, its workforce, and sustaining social security. Stop and think about the human race and the reason we are programmed to reproduce. You can say all you want that the world is overpopulated and that no one “needs” to have children these days, but you’d be wrong. Someone has to create the next generation that is going to prop this one up when it hits 65. There isn’t a mayor in America who wants to see their city’s population decline. No one wants to govern a ghost town, for good reason.

Someone has to have the children and while it’s not a job for everyone, and arguably not the right job for many who choose it, there is a very real dichotomy between those of us in the trenches and those who can jet off to a luxury VRBO for a three-day weekend because they have no hungry little responsibilities to wait on hand and foot. Someone can argue till they’re blue in the face that they love their nieces, nephews, decades-younger siblings, or dogs or cats just as much as they would love a baby of their own, but all of us on the other side of the fence know that’s impossible. You can’t love anyone like a child unless you are raising them as your child in your home.  Spoiler: dogs and cats don’t ever qualify for that.

If you want to raise kids so freaking bad but were never in a relationship that made you want to have kids, then take a training class and foster some. They need you.

While I would never judge someone’s decision to remain childless because obviously that life has its upsides, I can’t for the life of me figure out why we allow childless people to tell us how to raise our kids? Why do we vote them into positions where they have control over our children? I wouldn’t even hire a nanny who hasn’t raised her own children and yet most of us don’t think twice about putting a childless person on a school board? In the state house and senate? On city council? In Congress?

The sad fact is that the overwhelming support for laws that take away parental rights comes from elected and appointed childless officials. A friend of a friend of mine ran the numbers in the SB277 vote and if you really want to get pissed off maybe I’ll write a piece about that.

We’ve got people who have never once stayed up for three straight nights with a baby who was too stuffy to breathe telling us what to do with our kids. People who have no idea the terror that runs through your heart the first time your kid’s fever hits 102 are demanding that we vaccinate these tiny beings on-time, every time. People who haven’t rushed to the emergency room for 5 stitches in a toddler forehead are writing laws about how we raise our babies. People who do not, and never will, have a dog in this fight have been put in a position of power over us, and it’s our own damn fault.

Adding insult to injury are the officials who have grown “kids” now in their 20s and 30s who were vaccinated on an entirely different schedule and they haven’t taken the time to educate themselves about it. Four shots of DPT, three shots of polio and one shot of MMR aren’t at all what our kids have forced upon them these days in the “Every Child By Two” program.

If you’re childless and you want to teach a first grader to read, have at it. Childless and want to work as an occupational therapist? More power to you. Childless and want to be in a position of passing laws or regulations that force children to bend to your will? Absolutely not.

So let me make a suggestion to you for this upcoming election. Follow your local politics. Nothing matters more when it comes to immediate impact than who you vote for in your local elections. Who becomes president is felt a lot less by you than who your state senator is. Read up on these candidates and if you know that they are childless, and you want to retain your rights to make decisions for your own family, don’t vote for them. So simple. Politicians want to tell you how to raise your little kids and if they haven’t raised any little kids in the last 12 years then they should not get your vote. When in doubt, call them up and ask them in no uncertain terms where they stand when it comes to vaccine mandates and parental rights.

And when you encounter a childless vaccine pusher spewing hate, don’t be afraid to tell them, “Your opinion doesn’t matter.” Truly. It does not matter. You know that I think that everyone is entitled to their opinion but it doesn’t mean that we have to listen to it. Tell them to redirect their energy to whether or not Airbnb should be allowed in New York, or Uber drivers need background checks in Austin, or some other less meaningful, materialistic pursuits that are more their childless speed. They will never care for a vaccine injured child, so their opinion does not count. They will never know what you go through, and frankly, they do not care. Childless vaccine pushers are nothing in this fight so don’t hesitate to tell them to keep their hands off your little kids.








  1. Being a parent is such a particular thing that no-one without experience can ever understand and should not be in any position to dictate.


  2. So very true. I have three kids, one of whom is likely on the autism spectrum (vaccinated on time until age 18 months), one who has terrible and potentially life threatening food allergies (vaccinated on time until age 6 months) and one who has no problems other than being a general A$$hole – but very loving to his own child (not vaccinated at all until age 5, right before school). I do not promote blind vaccination and I try very hard to avoid seeing children at all for well visits for this reason.


    1. I know a person whos son was acting strange after he got his 18mo shots. My mother in law and i dont vaccinate. Although this lady lives in Hawaii, she found a natural doctor and she started to detox the boy from all the metals and he got curred! No autism and no more vaccines for that little boy. Try it.. She did just in time..


  3. I don’t have children and I very much stay out of conversations about child rearing, knowing very well that I have no idea what parents talk about. I make one exception: I don’t think parents should have the right to poison their kids with vaccines. But as long as those toxic cocktails are on the market any parent has the right to get them injected into their children. Just as any parent must have the right to decide differently.


  4. Absolutely. It is no coincidence that the most virulent pro-vax extremists are either childless, or liars promoting vaccination without practising what they preach (certainly not to the full extent), or both.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is spot on, as usual. It is absolutely insane how much you change as a person after having children. I used to want to be a mortician, and I’d spend a lot of my time watching forensics shows. I had no problem with death at all, and felt I’d be great for a career having to do with funerals or murder (detective). After having my first child, I found myself crying when trying to watch the same shows I spent hours watching prior. I now think “this is someone’s son or daughter that was murdered”. Kind of random thoughts but it’s what comes to mind when thinking of how people truly do change after children.


  6. It’s also worth noting that older people in general seem to favor vaccine mandates to a greater extent than younger people. It could well be that they have had less experience (direct or indirect) with vaccine injury.


    1. Or that they have no idea the vaccine schedule now is MUCH different than when they were young parents. And the very old ones, lived in a time when antibiotics were new. They had already seen as young children and teenagers their peers die from diseases that are much more easily treated now.


  7. There are many ways to come around to seeing that the medical system is harming too many people. My way was through personally getting hurt by a prescription drug – Cipro/ciprofloxacin – a fluoroquinolone antibiotic. In getting injured, seriously, by a drug that “has an excellent record of safety and efficacy” according to most doctors (it has a 43 page warning label, a black box warning, and the FDA recently stated that the risks outweigh the benefits for many common infections), I realized that doctors, and even scientists, have no idea what they’re doing to immune systems, our microbiomes, our neurotransmitters, our cells, our bodies. There is risk and chain-reactions in all of it, and none of the chemicals that we ingest are benign. The truth comes from those who have experienced it – the individuals of all ages who have had adverse-reactions and the parents who witness their poor children going through adverse-reactions. They should be listened to – always.

    Basically, I’m trying to say that you don’t have to have kids to come around to questioning the medical system. There are other ways. With that said though, I agree that people without kids, or with grown kids, shouldn’t be legislating how you raise your kid, especially when they do NOTHING to rectify the situation of your kid being hurt by a vaccine or other pharmaceutical.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Great post. I, too, came late to parenting, and boy did it change things. Wouldn’t trade it for anything. Much to be said, too, for the generational connection, for the continuity of knowledge and values, especially in our current state of mass national brainwashing, in service only to those who love their money above all.


  9. I have thought we should build an online database of the major players in the vaccine debate and whether they have children, and from what you are saying and what age also. I remember reading about Anne Schuchat having no children. The same woman who sat there and made bold face lie after lie to congress in the lead up to vaccine mandates, and then patronised the parents of vaccine injured children in the hall afterwards. You are talking about someone who’s brain is wired very differently from a parent. I think it important that the developmental experience of having children is a period of profound social and emotional development in us the parents. Parents, at least on average, and in my experience, have better developed empathy, compassion, intuition and display more socially appropriate and mature behaviour.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. “Politicians want to tell you how to raise your little kids and if they haven’t raised any little kids in the last 12 years then they should not get your vote.”

    But you want Rep. Bill Posey to investigate the William Thompson/CDC non-controversy? He’s 68 and has 2 grown daughters.


      1. I have no idea what Thompson wants, but Posey called for a congressional investigation of Thompson’s claims the CDC covered up an MMR – autism link. So since he believes this baseless anti-vax conspiracy theory you have to assume he’d like to ultimately eliminate MMR from the current schedule. I guess you could call it a counter-mandate.


    1. Bill, you’re not making any sense. Rep. Posey wants to expose the CDC coverup. He’s not asking for an investigation to get anti-vaxxers to shut up. You obviously have nothing of use to add; please go troll elsewhere.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. He can’t troll anywhere else because he is being banned already, so he is doing his best to be banned from this one too.


      2. Right, Bill… because when Thompson says “I’m done lying” and “This is the greatest shame of my career” and “They’ve set autism research back a decade”… it’s probably not worth looking into what he’s talking about. Nothing to see here… move along.


      3. Alice, I’m sure Thompson thought that at the time, but he was wrong and he isn’t a statistician. Brian Hooker already tried and failed to find an MMR-autism link with the same data Thompson claimed was destroyed. There never was a cover up.


      4. Bill Pembry: Wrong on all counts. Dr. Thompson is indeed a statistician; he was the statistician for this study and others. The data was not destroyed. The four co-authors destroyed their copies of the data; Dr. Thompson retained his, and the full documentation is in the possession of Rep. Posey and others. Dr. Hooker ran the data and came to the same conclusion as Dr. Thompson.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Gary,

        Thompson is a psychologist. Yes, the MMR-autism data was not destroyed. No, Hooker got the non-destroyed data FROM THE CDC. And his paper using it to suggest an MMR-autism link was retracted from a bottom-feeder journal for statistical errors and non-disclosed conflicts of interest (he had an active NVICP case claiming his son’s autism was caused by MMR – which he just lost BTW).

        There is no cover up.


      6. Psychologists are social scientists Bill. About a third of their academic study is spent on statistics, and to be called a psychologist they have to do at least a couple of their own research theses. On the otherhand MDs spend comparatively very little time on statistics and their own research, unless they wish to specialise. By using litle fact and much conjecture you are engaging in intellectualisation and rationalisation, which means your intuition knows the evidence to be true, but this is causing you discomfort and motivating you to make excuses. You can spend as much time trying to convince yourself by proxy in this thread, but it won’t help. Finding the true state of nature isn’t about outsmarting, convincing, silencing or winning, its about being able to follow the truth. Have a look at how good you are at recognising when you’ve made an error and being able to modify your tact to a correct response. You’ll find the answer to your conundrum lies there.


    2. For those who still can’t determine who are the paid operatives aka trolls on comment boards for any topic, here is the standout comment:

      -anti-vax conspiracy theory
      -conspiracy theory
      – anti-vax movement

      These are the hallmarks of a pro-vaccine operatives. Why do they keep using those word? They are intended to inflame, agitate and annoy others into a defensive position on comment boards. It suppose to compel them to defend themselves against the pejoratives placed on them. Trolls are often trained in “Alinsky Tactics- Win At Any Cost, Even If You Have To Lie. The tactics are actually designed to circumvent real and honest confrontation of opposing ideas with slippery tricks and diversions thus the above pejoratives. If said individual can get you upset and cause you to defend yourself on a comment board-they have achieved their purpose. A defensive person can’t be trusted. Why are they so upset? What are they hiding? For a troll “Ridicule is man’s most potent weapon.” That’s why they continual use the anti-vaxx pejorative on every vaccine comment board. The best way to handle it is to call the person out and NEVER get sucked into defending yourself.

      It has been reported although not confirmed because it will never be that the CDC’s medical CIA created the pejorative: anti-vaxx. It serves two purposes:
      1. To created basically a class war between parents who want choice and parents who vaccinate.
      2. To ridicule parents who want choice by saying they are anti-science.

      The CDC’s little-known medical CIA is called-Epidemic Intelligence Service (EIS). Jon Rapport reports on them here:

      Rapport: Right off the top, I can tell you they create disinformation on a scale that must make the CIA jealous.

      Graduates of this EIS program, as proudly stated by the CDC, have gone on to occupy key positions in the overall medical cartel: Surgeons General; CDC directors; medical school deans and professors; medical foundation executives; drug-company and insurance executives; state health officials; medical editors and reporters in media outlets.

      It’s a loyal insider’s club. They collaborate to float prime-cut, A-number-one cover stories of extraordinary dimensions. They invent medical reality out of thin air.

      Read the article. It reveals how trolls are used fr this purpose and where specific disinformation tactics come from.


  11. before I had children, I was an awesome ‘mom’. I could give perfect parenting advice, I knew it all, and wasn’t afraid to spout my opinion, especially to my sisters who were in the thick of it at the time.

    Then came children, from my own body, and I was humbled to the moon and back. I found I knew nothing, and what I though I knew to be true wasn’t. Children are the best teachers we have, and as parents, we need to observe and listen, and be a part of the world we are gifting to them.

    It is the same argument as men telling women what they should and should not do with their bodies, they don’t have the insider knowledge (a uterus for example).

    Parents with children have the insider knowledge on parenting and loving another living being more than words can say. Parents.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nancy Tanner: Absolutely right! It took me a while to learn this, but eventually I realized that my students taught me everything of value about teaching, and I learned to better listen to the amazing intelligence, good humor, and better-than-adults values they brought to the classroom.


  12. Just because you were “a conventional asshole” before you had kids doesn’t mean everyone else without kids is, or has the values you had. I don’t have kids and I have known for *decades* that vaccines are bad (and was spending my limited money on chiropractors and naturepaths rather than jetting to luxury weekends).

    I am now spending my time and money compaigning against vaccines laws and vaccines in general – should I stop, because I don’t have kids and I don’t “understand”? Seems you didn’t really learn much about other cultures/values from all that travelling.

    How do you feel about a law-maker who is childless and wants to legislate against vaccines? Guess I shouldn’t run, according to your world-view.

    A silly and insulting article.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I think that materialistic is the rule, rather than childless per se. I mean, we could also say that most vaccine injured parents weren’t vaccine truth and safety activists until after having children. And I wonder how many were pro-vaccine mandate for all, despite being parents themselves? I was pro natural health and advocating health freedom before I became a parent and, once I became one, did not vaccinate my kids. Yet, vaccine injured parents seem to assume that anyone without a vaccine injured kid needs to be educated and/or doesn’t care. It’s the same argument or logic as the childless legislator. I do think there’s a point, though, that many without kids do seem to be vehemently pro vax; but there have been many hostile parents advocating for mandates, as well. We’ve probably all noticed ‘trends’ in our social media and personal activities as far as who is most vocal and adamant re: vaccine mandate laws….-which may make us sound stereotypical if we mentioned them. I’ll leave mine out of the discussion for that reason. So, I think it’s bold of you to call folks out on this issue, even as it’s not necessarily an absolute truth, but a trend.


  13. I like your blog and generally agree with you, but I think you are off-base on this one. You don’t have to be a parent to care about children. And you don’t have to be childless to NOT care about other people’s children. I can’t imagine voting for someone based exclusively on whether or not they currently have young children. What about the mom who wants you to vaccinate your children against the measles? Would she get your vote if she were running for office against, say, Andy Wakefield, whose children are grown up?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tell me where I say you have to be a parent to care about children.

      Also, wanting people to vaccinate is a leap away from mandating other people’s children to be vaccinated.

      To be fair, though, my own childless like-minded friends are messaging me saying, “Fuck you, man.” So you’re not alone.


  14. Sorry for putting words in your mouth but that did seem to be your premise. I do agree that no-one should be mandating vaccination for other people’s children, but surely that pertains whether the legislators have children or not.

    (Btw tell me where I say “fuck you.” Or, for that matter, where I say I am childless….?)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. He said that is what his own friends are saying “fuck you man” to him – so in other words they are telling him he is way off base with his claim that childless people don’t care. And in that way (in that saying he is wrong) you are like his friends.


      1. Slow clap from the Peanut Gallery!


        A soon to be mom of 2 naming this 2nd spawn Levi bc it’s a badass name and I have a huge mental crush on you. Pregnant Fangirl alert!


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